Quite often we confuse love with the passion and longing of lust but even when we make that distinction do we still truly understand what love is. What makes a happy marriage? All my life I have had grand ideas of love and being in love. This has never worked out and more often than not these intense feelings have led me to very destructive relationships.
Recently I met a gentleman whom I started spending lots of time with. We enjoyed evenings at home watching movies, going for walks and we even had sleepovers. Let me say at this point I'm a very passionate person but our sleepovers never included sex. It was just that we felt happier sleeping next to each other. I knew he had very strong feelings towards me in a short time and after a few weeks of this, I started to re-evaluate what love means to me. Up until this point I never considered that I loved him, I was just happy being around him. That usual giddy feeling I had with someone I was dating was not there so why would I? I could however see myself married to him and raising children with him. But how is this even possible? I knew he was honest and loving and would always go out of his way to ensure that I was happy and those traits were indescribably more important than lust.
I did not believe love could happen so quickly but eventually I realised I was in love with this guy. I loved how he treated me, I loved how calm he was when I was freaking out, I loved how he always made me laugh, I loved how he made time for me even when he was tired, I loved how he respected my wishes. There was no haze or fantasy...I knew he had flaws and I accepted them and he accepted mine. This is why we were so comfortable with each other and could see a future together. I considered myself to be a very lucky woman and I vowed to myself right then and there to always be good to him, just like he was to me.
We took our first trip together after we had been together for 3 weeks and although we acted like the guys in the Hangover movies it was pretty much a perfect weekend. We didn't argue (for some reason my past boyfriends and I always argue when we travel) and we stepped up whenever the other person felt lost or overwhelmed being in a different place. At the end of the weekend we were both thinking "we survived both the travel test and the weekend test. Maybe there is something here...".
The first argument was over a misunderstanding but that didn't make it hurt any less. The bubble had been burst and the memory of the pain from past relationships came flooding back. He was a man who would hurt me like all the others before, but was he like all the others? We're all guilty of this...we end a relationship and vow never to do it again and the walls come up. Well I saw those walls starting to creep up so I decided to do something different this time.
I decided to sit him down and tell him exactly what he did wrong and how it affected me. Novel idea I know but I thought the love we felt for each was real so it deserved the chance to "prove" itself. When I say "prove it" I'm not referring to any bravado or wildly extravagant gift I mean trying to understand each other and dealing with a problem before it festers into something larger. In my opinion, this is what a successful marriage is based on. Trust and respect and being able to rely on your partner.
What's next for us? We plan on moving in together in a couple months but before we give up our current apartments we'll start with weekends at my place or his then move on to a full week. If it doesn't work out during that time we can just go back to our own apartments...no harm, no foul, no apartment hunting! I understand this may not be the traditional way a relationship is supposed to go but there really is no manual on Love.
I guess my conclusion is that length of time is not really a huge factor in determining whether a relationship works. You could be with someone for 10 years and never truly know him or her. On top of that, love is great but being practical and honest in a relationship is what really determines whether a relationship should be converted to marriage because when the honeymoon period ends you better make sure you are both on the same page!
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Have you ever been in a relationship that progressed very quickly? How successful was it? We would love to hear your experiences or thoughts.
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